Discipleship, friendship, and brotherhood

Jesus had roughly three years when he directly taught his disciples. When he sent them out, he sent them in pairs, two by two. There may be practical or strategic advantage to sending out people together, but there is also spiritual advantage. In pairs, they could encourage each other, steady each other through unfamiliar situations, keep each other grounded. They could develop and deepen friendships. When family relations already existed, Jesus often encouraged those bonds: we see Peter paired with his brother Andrew, and James paired with his brother John. For others, Jesus helped forge new bonds. No one was left alone or excluded from fellowship, and human connections were made as a matter of course. There are no fifth wheels in the church.

Consider that, at times, Jesus told the disciples not to take extra clothing, extra food, or extra money -- but to take a companion. Having a companion was seen as the most necessary preparation for the journey: more necessary than funding, more necessary than food or a change of clothes. There was no material thing needed for equipment. But spiritually, the journey did not start without a companion. 

My own journey in faith -- modest though it is -- began that way. I started my journey when a friend invited me to Sunday school, and I was not alone. My own journey started with a companion -- and started because of that companion, who included me. 

There are many divisions in our world, many things preventing fellowship. Most of them are needless, pointless divisions. When we follow Christ and Christ alone, we walk together.

Fellowship that endures past the first test

I plead with Euodias, and I plead with Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. And I ask you also, true yokefellow, to help those women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also ..." - Philippians 4:2

Some quarrels are petty, others are understandable. Here we don't know the cause, only the effects: the disagreement was divisive. Quarrels hinder morale and productivity. They cause pain because they disrupt fellowship and friendship. Paul in his many letters explained so many things, and addressed all kinds of problems in the church. And he places enough value on fellowship that he stops to address this disagreement among members.

When we think about what matters in the church, it is easy to be high-minded: we think of teaching rightly, taking care of the poor, building peoples' faith, encouraging people in love, kindling hope, proclaiming forgiveness and reconciliation. All of those things are vital. But forgiveness and reconciliation are easier to teach than to live.

As for Euodias and Syntyche, we don't know which party was "right" or "wrong", or if those words even apply to the original disagreement. But it looks like the division was causing problems for the larger group, and in those problems we may recognize right or wrong. The people originally involved had not resolved their disagreement; had they let it fester? We've all been in the company of people who are in an enduring disagreement; it can be unpleasant. There is a cost to the hearts of other people around them. 

From inside the quarrel, it may have looked like a matter of right and wrong. It may have looked like a matter of harm and grudges. After awhile, from the outside, those things usually look like stubbornness and pride.

Is a heart ever cleansed without repentance? Is a harm ever healed without forgiveness? Repentance from one person, forgiveness from another person -- they seem like such different things. But they both require humility, and they both require that love becomes more important than the cause of division. Lack of repentance, lack of forgiveness -- in my experience, both generally come from pride. Christianity forbids us to turn the faith into a system of keeping score about who was right: "Love keeps no record of wrongs." When the system has no interest in keeping score about who was right, forgiveness and repentance are not such different actions. And no fellowship survives the first problem intact without both. 

Fellowship: He greeted them by name

St Paul's letters write about things that are vital to our faith and Christian life: evangelism, mission, the meaning of Christ's death, the Lord's supper, baptism, resurrection and more. And in those same letters he is known to greet people by name. In his letter to the Romans, he greets over two dozen people by name (see Romans 16:1-16). Again there are around a dozen people listed in the closing of the letter to the Colossians, either co-workers of Paul's*, or those in Colosse. Paul shows no signs of embarrassment for mixing personal greetings with deep theology: he considers that people are worthy of acknowledgment and greeting. Paul did not write his letters for his own benefit but for theirs. 

The weighty matters in his letters find their meaning only in relation to people, whether it is evangelism or mission, the meaning of Christ's death, the Lord's supper, baptism, or whatever the case may be: all these things involve people by nature, by intent, as their goal and purpose to call and uplift and restore people. And like Christ, Paul makes a point to know peoples' names. He recalls their names, notices people, includes people. When the Lord restores our souls, it is clear enough that people matter to him. They matter to his followers. They matter to us. People will matter til the end of time, and past the end of the age. 

Christianity has a theological richness and depth, knowledge and wisdom -- and yet it cannot be confined to the academic. The Christian life is one of breaking bread and fellowship too. It changes daily life; it enriches daily life. An academic pursuit may be satisfied with information; Christianity is fulfilled with community and fellowship in our love of God and neighbor. It is more godly to pursue the lost soul than the lost fact. The lost souls are found by knowing them and being kind to them, and first of all by seeing and hearing them. It is a sign of respect -- of recognizing someone's worth -- that we know them by name. Those who taught us have set an example, and it is not for us to neglect it: we matter to each other.

---

* As he writes to the Colossians, Paul's list of co-workers includes both Mark and Luke. I've long found it worthy of notice that three of the known authors of the New Testament are listed together as co-workers in the same city at the same time. It would be possible for them to have sat around the same table there in Rome, and at least Paul was likely working on his writing projects. The New Testament writings themselves have an undercurrent of fellowship.

Fellowship: A friend closer than a brother

Family relationships can be complicated. Old rivalries, disputes, distance, differences of priorities, so many things can drive us apart from the small list of people who are closely related by blood. 

Few things feel as satisfying as keeping company with those who are close in heart, mind, and soul. 

"There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24

The friends that are close to our heart may share traits with us that we do not share with our own families. We may share common goals, work on common tasks, or have the same creative pursuits. We find that Christ also intends his people to work together, as he sent out his apostles two by two rather than alone. Fellowship is not an optional part of our Christian walk. It is not possible to learn to love our neighbor or the rest of humanity when we are alone. May we be blessed to find that friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Fellowship: Strength and Hope in Adversity

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has no other to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 

There is a blessing in the simple presence of another who is well-disposed toward us. The difference between a manageable problem and a disaster can be as simple as whether there is anyone there to help. Earlier this year, in freezing weather without power for several days, I was reminded of the simple reality of the need for warmth; even being in the same room with another person helps with a true survival need. Sometimes There is a phrase people use to devalue an easy job: it is called a "warm body" job, meaning that anyone who is still alive -- who has a warm body -- can do it. Being a friend is a warm body job; still it's one of the greatest blessings we can give each other. That can be literal warmth in dangerously cold weather. But the world can be a cold place in ways that have nothing to do with the weather, and a friend is welcome then too.

The difference between a bad day and a good day can be as simple as whether anyone is there to share it. Of course things are not always so simple; another person may be an enemy or a critic instead of a friend. Even at a time like that, life is a team sport: we may be able to withstand an enemy if we have the company of friends. 

It is part of our calling as people of God to be people of God together, for each other. We are called to be each others' strength, to ease each others' way. Our presence can be an assurance to others, can be that presence that keeps disaster further away. Two are better than one.

Fellowship: The gifts I have -- and those I do not have

Now there are various gifts, but the same Spirit. There are various services, but the same Lord. There are various works, but the same God works all in all [of us]. Now to each one, the Spirit's manifestation is given for benefit. To one is given a message of wisdom, to another the word of knowledge, by the same Spirit. To another, faith by the same Spirit, to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit. To another, the working of miracles; to another, the discerning of spirits; to another various tongues; to another, the interpretation of tongues. And in all these, the one and the same Spirit works, distributing to each according to his purpose. -- St Paul, I Corinthians 12:7-11

It is plain enough that there are abilities each of us has, and that each of us lacks. Even with the gift of the Holy Spirit, still we find ourselves with different gifts. Fellowship does something for us together that we cannot do apart: it gives us together the sum of our gifts, including the gifts we do not have ourselves. If my neighbor has a gift which I do not, it is no benefit to me unless I know my neighbor. One has wisdom without knowledge, and is lacking. One has knowledge without faith, and is lacking. Another has faith but little ability to communicate. Even though human nature is easily swayed to jealousy or competition, the gifts are not in competition. It is easy to worry that their gift outshines mine or lessens mine; it is easy to overlook that without each other, our gifts can easily remain unfulfilled. My gifts are not in competition with theirs, but can extend and complete theirs. And without each others' gifts, mine are lessened; theirs are lessened. Our gifts are of best effect when added together.

Lord, grant us to gladly see in each other what we miss in ourselves, and without shame or jealousy view our neighbors' gifts as blessings, and without haughtiness use our gifts to bless, and to expand the reach of our neighbors' gifts.

Fellowship: Iron sharpens iron

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. -- Proverbs 27:17 

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. 

Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau.

Saint Ambrose and Saint Augustine. 

Saint Francis and Saint Claire. 

Professor Tolkien and Professor Lewis. 

Many people are on a quest to become the best possible version of themselves. Some even see it as a form of service or worship. But the ones who go farthest down that road often spark a special connection with another on the same road. Whether they are friends or rivals, having someone else on that level challenges people to reach deeper into themselves, to strive harder, and ultimately to reach levels that they would not have attained by themselves. 

Lord, may we bless you for the gift of fellowship. Grant that we all may meet those who sharpen us. May we delight in their companionship on the road. May we bless your name as we find those traveling the same path. May our fellowship glorify you.

Spiritual Friendship

I've been making an effort lately to participate more in the on-line Christian blogger community as community. So The Pocket Scroll's current piece on Spiritual Friendship drew my attention. (That's part 3 in a series; see also part 1 here and part 2 here.)

Friendship is closely related to fellowship, and a topic that is deserving of our attention.

Friendship is from the beginning a cease-fire zone for life's battles, a peaceful place where a meaningful connection can grow. In some ways, friendship is a mutual non-judgment pact: a friend does not seek to find fault in their friends, and is slow to believe the worst of them. A friend does not expect to control the other (e.g. how the other one eats or dresses or talks), and does not seek to change the other person into their own image. There is generally a spark of warmth as each person recognizes the value of the other.

Friends generally share an interest of some kind which can provide the content of their shared talk and actions. For a spiritual friendship, I would not see that as limited to the narrow sense of spirituality such as sharing an interest in theology or Biblical studies. I see spiritual friendships as covering any human ground in a spiritual way; it could revolve around gardening or woodworking, art or music which touch on beauty, which in turn communicate holiness.

As a case in point consider the Inklings, an author's club that included both C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, which was a treasured spiritual friendship. The profoundness of that spiritual friendship -- two men, cultivating a deep and meaningful spiritual bond -- sent a wave of beauty and friendship throughout the world through the writings that they each produced. It is not clear to me whether either of those men could have become what they were alone, without their shared friendship. Together, they strengthened each other, deepened each others' thoughts, warmed each others' souls.

In many fields, the world's greats do not emerge alone. In chess, what would Bobby Fischer have been without his arch-rival Boris Spassky, spurring him on to greater heights? In tennis, is it likely that the Williams sisters would emerge without each other, or was their bond a genuine contributing cause of their excellence? No matter what our gift in life, we will not reach our own heights or fulfill our own purpose alone.

Fellowship and Theology

If "theology" has to do with understanding God, then I would advocate the view that fellowship is a necessary part of theological studies. I mean this in several of the obvious senses: that fellowship is a rightful topic of study; that practicing fellowship is part of coming to understand God; that fellowship is an intrinsic result of knowing God.

Theology is our pursuit of the greatest treasure of knowledge: knowing God. Along the way we'll be drawn together to reflect on each others' insights and share our own. The more we understand God, the fewer strangers there are in the world. The closer someone walks with God, the closer we walk with each other also. Consider that Jesus sent his disciples out to teach in pairs and so fostered friendships among his disciples. Consider that St Paul would passionately plead with people by name to set aside personal differences, and considered it a worthy use of his letters to spend time greeting people by name. True love of God is not something we can do without knowing our neighbors' names.

The fellowship of the Holy Spirit: understanding

The Spirit of the LORD shall rest on him: The Spirit of wisdom and understanding ... (Isaiah 11:2)

This may seem obvious -- and sometimes the most obvious things are the ones we overlook. (Really, being proficient -- more than a beginner -- in any skill, means having become so accustomed to certain basic things that we no longer have to think about them any more. And so we don't. Every level of expertise carries its own blind spot, in that way.) If I look back on every conversation I've ever had, and look forward to every conversation I expect to have, all those conversations share one thing: a common language. The other person and I could understand each other, if we tried. Every long-term friendship I've ever had was with someone that I could talk to, or write with, in a language that we both understood. I've had some casual interactions with people who don't speak the same language; you can get a certain distance with signs and body language and facial expressions. But there is only so far we will get without a common language.

At Pentecost, the gift of languages was a gift of communication, a gift of understanding, a gift of including all people. It is a gift of fellowship ("the fellowship of the Holy Spirit") which begins at the basic level of understanding each other.

Like all the great gifts, even understanding must take its direction from love or it becomes unwelcome. Consider how much Amazon and google "understand" us from keeping close track of our actions, and how much Big Brother "understands" us from our communications, for examples of how someone can "understand" without any real understanding of us as people, or any wish to understand us as people. I do not mean to start anyone worrying about Amazon, google or Big Brother; I mean to mention that in our own small way, we're hardly any better if all our understanding is without love. As a follower of Christ, I want to understand my neighbor in a way that helps me see them through the eyes of love, so that my understanding is a gift. We all desire that kind of understanding. May God grant that the Spirit of wisdom and understanding help us.

On being like God: Hospitality

God does not call us to be isolated followers; he calls us to fellowship. God is love, and he asks his followers to live in love. How can that be done in isolation? The New Testament instructs us to show hospitality to one another. But in many ways we have forgotten this teaching.

Peter, a leader among the apostles, writes:

And above all things, have fervent love among yourselves, for love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. (I Peter 4:8-9)

Peter writes as though the natural expression of love is hospitality. And still we are slow to open our homes to each other.

Peter wrote to all the members of the church: that we should offer hospitality to each other. If hospitality is required of the members, then how much more for the leaders. Paul lists it among the qualifications of a church leader:

An overseer must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach. (1 Timothy 3:2)

For church leaders, hospitality was given priority even over the ability to teach. I don't mean to neglect being blameless and all that; it tops off Paul's list. But the other things that Paul names are things we generally still expect of our church leaders. Why don't we expect leaders who are given to hospitality?

I have sometimes heard church leaders congratulate themselves on how they've finally stood up to their parishioners, who have asked: Shouldn't their parishioners be hospitable to them? Why then do the parishioners have any right to complain that their pastor never visits them or invites them over, if they have never taken the initiative and invited their pastor?

But the church leaders are called to lead -- and to lead by example. The thing about leading by example is that we're always setting an example, just maybe not a good one. If the church leaders do not invite their people and do not visit their people, they are leading all the same: they are showing by example that hospitality is not important here.

God calls us to be his people in the world. We become a people when we know and love each other. So the leader builds that group together by showing hospitality, and fellowship grows where people are welcomed.

God's hospitality

The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. (Matthew 22:2)

God is not what we would expect. Where we expect an Almighty Being to be remote and aloof, instead we see him warm and welcoming -- and specifically, warm and welcoming toward people, real ordinary people.

Jesus claimed that, in looking at him, we have a unique insight to God: "He who has seen me has seen the Father." So what do we see?

Some of the great sages of world religions -- particularly the "Eastern" religions -- have been solitary figures. When a painting or sculpture portrays them and their lives, we typically see them alone. Not so with Jesus. Sure, he had times of solitude and prayer. He observed a lengthy fast after his baptism. But for much of his ministry, we see him in company -- and enjoying the company.

Many of Jesus' conversations, passed down to us, took place when he was a guest at someone's home. There was the time when the woman broke the jar of perfume. And the time that Martha was getting all frustrated with Mary. There was the scandal he caused going to Matthew's home, and his answer about who it is that needs a doctor. There was another round of shock when he went to Zacchaeus' home. And of course there was the Last Supper in the upper room. Though we call that the Last Supper, he did meet them there again a few days later, after he had risen from the dead -- again, at dinner. Of all the times Jesus came to his disciples after the resurrection, I'm combing my memory here -- did all of them involve gathering with them at dinner or a meal? And he asked us to remember him by coming together for bread and wine, in his name.

Sometimes even the miracles took place in someone's home. He healed Simon Peter's mother-in-law after he had already been welcomed into their home.

And while Jesus was often the guest in someone else's home, he never seemed like he wanted to get back home; instead, he seemed to carry that welcome feeling of "home" with him, so that wherever he was, not only did he feel at home, but so did everyone else. Whenever I read the accounts of him in someone else's home, I get the feeling that these were the kinds of days where nobody wanted to leave at the end, where they were wishing it could last. "Home" was wherever Jesus was, and "family" could be anyone. (That's probably the point behind his telling his disciples they would have a hundred homes -- and as many sets of relatives.) Birds have nests and wild beasts have dens, and the Son of Man had no place to lay his head -- but those who traveled with him didn't seem to mind that so much, so long as he was there.

The miracles of feeding the multitudes were also acts of hospitality. And the first miracle -- the very first -- was an act of hospitality in Cana, to bring the wine to a wedding feast. And in the world to come, the gift of following Jesus is fellowship; it is the feast of salvation.

And he said to me: "Write, 'Blessed are they who are called to the wedding feast of the Lamb.'" And he said to me, "These are the true sayings of God." (Revelation 19:9).

There are some things about God that we do not consider as often as we should. God is a warm and generous God, a welcoming host.

A mother's prayer for teenagers: Fellowship and friendship

Lord, thank you for (name). May he grow in love and friendship; may he excel in kindness and fellowship. May he lead the way in hospitality. May he be blessed with deep and enduring friends who join in him in following you.

Community and Love of Neighbor

If loving our neighbor is our #2 priority in Christian service, how are we doing? Dan over at Cerulean Sanctum has been blogging about community. Because I think it's a worthwhile topic, I'll pick up on it here. My main focus is on how our choices of where to live affect our efforts to love our neighbors and our families, and what message we send if we do not know our neighbors.

Why Move?
Have you ever moved from one town to another? People do it all the time. Sometimes we move for family, sometimes for job or money, sometimes for education or other reasons. But if we move for job and money, that says something about our priorities in life. Are friends expendable? What about family? Sometimes we've done so badly at healing old wounds that we'd almost like to get away. Is moving a polite excuse to abandon a messy cleanup job in the family? How close is that to abandonment?

I am not saying that moving is always bad; but on some occasions it is bad, ordering our lives around money or prestige, and we shy away from facing that honestly. Whether moving is good or bad in a certain situation, it is always a disruption to our lives and the lives of everyone who cares about us where we are. That should be weighed as a legitimate consideration. "I can make new friends" is fairly dismissive of the old ones and whether they really mattered to us. Some moves come uncomfortably close to saying "My career is more important than the people I know." It doesn't always mean that, of course; but sometimes it does. As Christians, we say love of money or prestige doesn't call the shots in our lives ... but does it?

Community
Have you ever read about places where everybody knows everybody, and the families have known each other for generations? It's because they stayed put for generations. I hear from people who have lived in those places that they are definitely not a cure-all for society's problems, so don't take me wrong there. But there is a depth of caring, of knowing when your neighbor is distressed, that is much easier in a community where people know each other.

Try a thought experiment: imagine that your children grow up and start families and live within walking distance of where they grew up. Imagine you stay in the same neighborhood. Imagine that everyone in the neighborhood has children who, when grown, make their own home in the same neighborhood, and encourage their children to do the same. Fifty years from now, there would be a real community in that neighborhood. Everybody would know everybody, and would have known each other from time immemorial as far as the youngest generation was aware. Putting down roots means to stop moving. Belonging in a place means to have been there and made it home. Loving your neighbor involves knowing your neighbor. That's easier with time and continuity.

Of Gnats and Camels
I think, in trying to transform our lives, renewing our minds in the image of Christ, we generally start small. Sensing our lives' brokenness, a certain percentage of people become obsessive about rooting out sins, and typically this seems to be obsessive about rooting out little sins, or things that may not be sins in the first place. Smoking, cardplaying, gambling, makeup -- I would compare this fixation on small things to someone who buys a home that's a fixer-upper, and begins by vacuuming and dusting. There's nothing wrong with vacuuming and dusting; nothing wrong with chasing after small problems ... unless it's keeping us from taking care of bigger problems.

Sooner or later, bigger problems come to light. Unkindness to various relatives, impatience, resentment, arrogance, coldness, bad self-control, apathy, short-temperedness, even an unwarranted or aloof distance from those who might hope for our kindness, these are the next things that often catch our eye as needing our attention. After we have the small things in our lives in order and we're casting around for more we can do, there is a nasty temptation to overlook the deeper problems in our own lives and settle on fixing someone else's sins instead. We easily recognize Jesus' comments about the person with a log in one eye trying to take a mote out of someone else's eye. We are told to first take the log out of our own eye, first reconcile with our brother, and remember God's desire for our mercy towards each other.

Hospitality
Loving our neighbors is our #2 priority in service, right behind love of God -- and it's a necessary extension of loving God. I'd like to make love of neighbor higher on my own priority list. I think the New Testament writers were correct to put hospitality as one of the signs of a true community leader and a true servant of Christ. We have to create the occasions where we're going to get a chance to know our neighbor. And it's good to remember that we're called to love and serve them as much as we are to let them know about Christ; in fact serving and honestly caring are probably the best "show me" evangelism.

For some innovative ideas along those lines, if you're not familiar with Dawn Treader's Pigfests, those are worth a read.

The Point
I'm only saying one obvious thing here: Our love for our families and neighbors includes remaining (or becoming) a part of their lives. Our choice of where to live matters for that. Of course we're called to make all people our family and treat all people as neighbors. But that's no excuse for us to treat the ones we know as if they did not matter. Just the opposite: it's reason for us to treat the ones we know that much better.

Fellowship and Fulfillment

Fellowship is a deeply Christian concept. Outside of Tolkien, in modern times there is not much focus on it. But consider this: Without fellowship, a friendship is shallow, a marriage is a failure, a family is a shell; without it, we count our days as empty. Fellowship is an abiding type of love that comes near to a union of the souls. When looking at ultimate satisfaction in life, fellowship is our deepest need.

Like too many matters of the heart, it has been relegated to an area of things feminine and optional. The early church saw things differently:

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to breaking of bread and to prayers -- Acts 2:42

The early church had the same commitment to fellowship as to the teachings of the apostles, breaking bread, and prayers. Most of the Christians I know are very aware of the need to devote themselves to the apostles' teachings and to prayers. Depending on the group of Christians, they may or may not devote themselves to breaking bread. But it is rare to meet a group that devotes itself to fellowship. It is neglected; we neglect our brothers sitting next to us in the pews. Some have ceased to come entirely.

Fellowship with God Himself

And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. -- 1 John 1:3

God chooses to give the world something we would hardly dare to hope: to have fellowship with God himself. God Himself is present in our world. He has bound himself to be present in his word, and in the breaking of bread, in prayers, and when we gather together in his name. In the Holy Spirit, God Himself is present even within us.

This is just a small part of what the Scriptures say about fellowship. My hope for now is this: to reclaim the rightful place of fellowship in Christian talks as the first step to reclaiming its rightful place in Christian life.