Spiritual Exercises: Put away all bitterness, wrath, and anger (Part 1)

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice." - Ephesians 4:31

By shorthand we can refer to all of the above as resentments, or under the umbrella term of bitterness. 

When simply reading this verse, it is likely that a reader takes in either an impression ("Bitterness is bad") or an intention ("I should get rid of bitterness"). But the verse is a call to action, more than good intentions. We may recognize resentments as harmful and intend to get rid of them without having the slightest idea how to do it. We may be embarrassed or frustrated that the good intentions haven't already gotten rid of the resentments. Or we may lack tools to give us awareness of what resentments we have. We could use concrete guidance: how do we actually get rid of resentment? 

There are spiritual tools for that, and those tools have an interesting backstory with deep roots in the Christian faith. Through a church outreach program, these tools went native in the recovery communities where they saw some useful refinements but obscured their Christian roots. Here I hope to bring these spiritual exercises back to their native ground as a time-tested exercise to get rid of resentments. This post presents Part 1, in which we first identify the resentments that will be reviewed. 

First, identify the resentments. On an actual piece of paper, make an actual written list of those we resent, or where we harbor grudges. We may list individuals, principles, groups, institutions -- any or all of them. The criterion for the list is not the identity of the other but simply whether we have bitterness or resentment toward them. Anyone of whom we speak ill, or are happy when others speak ill of them, has earned a place on the list. Anyone of whom we complain or that we scrutinize to find fault has earned a place on the list. Anyone who is a target of our sarcasm or derision has earned a place on the list. 

Beginning with these sentences, list the people, places, groups, institutions, etc towards which I harbor resentments: 

• I am bitter toward ...
• I am angry toward ...
• I talk badly about ...
• I have ill-will toward ...
• I am sarcastic toward ... 
• I find fault with ... 
• I complain about ...
• I am eager to repeat bad reports about ... 

We are not here concerned with judging whether they deserve it or justifying whether we are in the right; few things can be as unhelpful to our own growth as justifying our bitterness by our location in a fallen world. Without any attempt to evaluate whether a resentment is "right" because the other person surely has flaws, we are simply trying for honesty about whether bitterness exists. It may be useful to keep the list handy for a few days or up to a week, so that new people can be added to the list as we notice a resentment in our minds. 

This is a private list; no one should review it without us wanting them to. Likewise if we're aware that someone else is keeping a list, it is vital not to ask for it or attempt to see it, and not to initiate any conversation about someone else's list. 

To be continued ...