On the day of Scott Adams' death, he had arranged for a video to be released in which he professed his faith in Christ.
From one perspective it was surprising: someone who for years had made no secret of his disbelief (antagonism?) toward faith was at the last minute saying that he accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord, at the urging of Christian friends to accept Christ before his death, and so he did. From another perspective it was calculated, and Adams gave voice to that: with a cost/benefit analysis like that, with such a risk/return ratio, it seemed to him worthwhile to profess faith at that time. It was a no-loss proposition. From another angle, it left the appearance of an investor timing his trade: sell stock in 'earth', buy stock in 'heaven'. What's a rational observer to make of all this?
Minding our own business is a guideline that's worthwhile to keep. I won't be judging his actions, claiming to know his motives, or presuming to gauge his level of sincerity. Likewise, I think we have no business speculating on whether God accepted his profession of faith. God knows his heart and we don't. Neither is there any gain in pointing out sins; Adams has 100% of humanity for company there, and Christ teaches us to go easy on pointing out the sins of others unless we want to find ourselves similarly judged. My part is to bless God's name for creating Scott Adams, and to thank Scott Adams' memory for a career that was characterized by humor and insight.
The thing that interests me is the timing of the profession of faith -- not because it's unique to Scott Adams' death, but because it's not. This is hardly the first deathbed conversion in history; I've met someone who has that in his pocket as a bucket-list plan. And to some extent the timing makes worldly sense: it's natural to value earthly things less when we can no longer hold onto them, and to value things of the spirit more when they're all we have left.
And yet that's not quite the calculation we see in many deathbed conversions, Adams' included. Part of the reason people make that calculation on their deathbed is not simply that its urgency is undeniable; there can also be an assessment that we are unwilling to commit while we still have time left on earth. We see it even in professed Christians delaying when they are willing to give up a pet sin. We can postpone the moment when our faith affects our lives until it affects as little as possible.
When we commit to Jesus as our Lord, we have to change. Humor has to lose its meanness. Sex has to be re-united with love and faithfulness. Affection has to be freed from self-interest. Service has to separate from self-promotion or influence-seeking. Achievement has to lose its one-upmanship. All kinds of things have to become more wholesome versions of themselves, but oh do we enjoy the alloys. And some things like fault-finding have to be given up altogether. We hesitate to commit because we love our sins, and would gladly postpone the moment when we admit what they are. So we convince ourselves that it's fine to be mean, unloving, self-seeking, self-promoting, and so forth, and the actual problem is that God wants us to love our neighbors. That can wait, we persuade ourselves.
Is there any down-side risk to waiting to convert at the last minute? I believe that's the wrong ultimate question, but I'll mention my thoughts on it before moving on. Many people die unexpectedly; even a sincerely-planned future repentance might become a missed opportunity. And then, if the repentance is intentionally postponed for love of the sin, there is some risk that we aren't quite sincere, if we postpone until there is no earthly test remaining precisely because we would prefer to keep the fault. Best to admit that we're fond of -- even dependent on -- the faults that we use to make our lives more bearable, even if they tend to backfire.
There is another cost of waiting til death is imminent to take hold of faith, which is walking through the whole of life without it. Postponing faith assumes it interferes with life instead of enriching it. But those who live most deeply in their faith find peace that passes understanding, and the unexpected gift of insight into the mind of God -- and the heart of God. The supposed burden that we avoid by waiting turns out to be loving God with heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loving our neighbors as ourselves. That is a goal that we could rationally, eagerly take up, worthy of a life-long pursuit. It is compatible with any honest and useful vocation. And it makes our lives more genuinely cherishable and worthy of savoring.
If a deathbed conversion is the plan, if a deathbed confession is worthwhile, then a lifelong confession brings those blessings forward to redeem more of our lives.
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