Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and caregivers: It is finished

Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last. (Luke 23:46)

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. (John 19:30)

Sometimes, there's nothing more to say. Death is one of those times. At this point, the loved ones go about the sad task of the preparations for burial. Mostly, people are huddled together crying. Just a word for the bystanders: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15). Please do not try to "fix" someone's appropriate sadness over a loved one's death. Just share it.

Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and caregivers: I am thirsty

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. (John 19:28-29)

As we get weaker, we have to turn to others for help. Some of the things people do to help may be desperate, inventive, even a little comic -- like giving someone a drink using a sponge on a stick. And sooner or later even that desperate, inventive help will not be enough. But in the meantime, help and compassion may come from unexpected places. All kinds of people want to help; it blesses them as much as us if we let them.

Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and caregivers: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"-- which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matt 27:46)

Ps 22 (portions)
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?
2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.
3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel.
4 In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them.
5 They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
11 Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.
14 I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.
15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death.
23 You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
27 All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him,
28 for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him-- those who cannot keep themselves alive.
30 Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord.
31 They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn-- for he has done it.

As the time to die draws closer, we may feel abandoned or forsaken by God. In our desire to live, that feeling of frustrated prayers and abandonment may be intense.

God will show his complete faithfulness to us.

Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and caregivers: Woman, here is your son

When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19:26-27)

When death is approaching, it is easy for our minds to crowd with all the things we want to do, wish we could do, had planned to do. As far as worldly things, there is only one thing we need to do: to help with those we leave behind. As far as I know, Jesus left behind no worldly possessions. All he could give his mother was one of his closest friends; the only worldly thing he could give them at that point was each other. I would not underestimate that gift; what most people desire in life is the company of those who love them.

Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and their caregivers: Father, forgive them

When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals-- one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:33-34)

The world being what it is, most of us at any time in our lives have people we need to forgive; we may even have people whose forgiveness we need to seek. And usually the approach of death breaks down barriers; everyone senses that this is the time. Holding grudges at a time like that seems petty, and longstanding feuds are often left behind. It is a treasure to make peace with someone before it is too late, or a regret that is difficult to forget if that last chance to make peace is lost. It is part of following Christ, to use our deaths in some small way towards reconciling what could not have been reconciled without it.

Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and caregivers: Let this cup pass from me

I sometimes hear people speak as if being scared of death is somehow less than Christian -- as if we should meet the thought of death with a Stoic calm. If the example of Christ teaches us anything, it teaches us that we are not called to be Stoics. A genuine love of live will lead any sane and healthy person to hate the thought of our own deaths. Pain and exhaustion may rob us of that love of live, but for a sane and healthy person, aversion and avoidance are not proof of a lack of faith, but of a love of life.

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter."Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. (Matt 26:39-43)

• It is ok to be scared.
• It is ok not to want to die.
• Your loved ones may be exhausted and may be napping when you need them.
• It is ok to wish there was any other way but this.

Or as they might have said in Jesus' day: L'chaim!

Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and caregivers?

I recently found out that my neighbor is terminally ill. His children and my children are about the same age, so I've gotten to know this neighbor over the years. His daughter will be turning 15 soon, and his son is 12.

A few years ago our family went through a rough spot when several of my relatives died in quick succession. Some time later I put together a Bible study that was more my notes from having gone through that than anything else, a Bible study more geared towards giving spiritual nourishment than towards giving information.

So the long story short is that the next series on this blog will be a little unusual: spiritual resources for the terminally ill and their caregivers.

I'll post the table of contents here and then update it with links as the posts are published:

Contents: Spiritual resources for the terminally ill and their caregivers

Part 1: How Jesus' death shows us what to expect

Many people think it is "Christian" never to admit to fear (especially desperate or wild fear), bitterness, weakness and so forth. Looking at Christ helps cure us of unreasonable expectations.

• Let this cup pass from me
• Father, forgive them
• Woman, here is your son
• My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?
• I am thirsty
• It is finished.

Part 2: How Jesus' life anchors our hope

Christ gave more than just instruction. He gave us hope.

• Why do you seek the living among the dead?
• My body given for you; My blood shed for you for the forgiveness of sins
• I will raise him up at the last day
• Preach repentance and forgiveness of sins in my name
• The bottom line: real forgiveness for real sins; real resurrection after real death.