The profanity of our culture v. the kingdom of God

I expect it's hardly news that western Christian culture has been enduring systematic attack for some time. Public opposition to Christianity has often taken shape as rudeness, crudeness, raunchiness, and above all mockery. I could develop that point further, but anyone who reads this is already on the internet; enough said. 

This desert landscape of pop culture leaves people desperate for something better. So this same cultural wasteland, seen from another vantage point, is an opportunity of epic proportions. Here are a few ways that Christians can help bring the kingdom of God closer to our homelands: 

1. A break from nastiness
   Cruelty is contagious. When we associate with each other, it's disturbingly easy to normalize each others' sins. Many sins have a certain social contagion to them, whether it's habitual anger or arrogance, habitual fear or fury. Are our own spirits rooted deeply enough in God so that we can stand fast? 
2. A return to personal connection
   It's easy to blame the internet for the decrease of personal connection because it's so easy to see. But there are other factors like tribalism, or the sheer scale of the modern world in which it is easy to be lost in a crowd. Hospitality -- the art of creating occasions to build relationships -- is worth reclaiming. The entry price for a closer connection is often as small as remembering what was bothering someone last time we spoke, and seeing if that's any better. Those are just two possible implementations of God's call that we love each other. Which leads us to ...
3. Restoration of love
   The "bar-hop" culture, along with over-sexualization of relationships, has led to less emphasis on love, or mislabeling it. We can bring a fuller idea of love as human connection,  as knowing and valuing other human beings, as having compassion and understanding for each other. This is one of the places where God has called us to excel. As the church has said for many centuries, "Knowledge becomes love."
4. Restoration of beauty
   Our culture is lacking in good aesthetics. Art, architecture, and literature are often intentionally unattractive, even in ways that are unrealistic. When positive aesthetics are attempted, they are often either commercial or cartoonish. J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis showed what a mature sense of beauty can do to capture the imagination and delight the heart. If art is someone's field, we can proclaim God's goodness through making goodness visible in our world. 
5. Restoration of integrity
   Few things are more necessary to relationships -- to real human connections -- than integrity. But honesty, faithfulness, and humility -- some of the key components of integrity -- are in short supply. The more we cultivate these in ourselves -- and refuse to be shamed for them -- the more people may recognize the value of godliness. 
6. The existence of forgiveness
   Our culture has substituted permissiveness for mercy. Rather than say someone is forgiven, there is a general view that there is no standard and no wrongdoing, or that the standard/wrongdoing paradigm only applies to those in a disfavored group. And so there are no guardrails for common decency (see previous), and no path to redemption if a modern taboo is crossed. Genuine mercy is relatively rare in our culture. The extension of forgiveness -- and the willingness to treat a transgressor as still human -- distinguishes God's way from the world's way. 

I'd be interested to hear other thoughts on ways in which the ills of society actually make it easier for our light to shine to the glory of God. 

God's Love in Action: Habitat for Humanity

It has been years since I've posted on worthy charities, and I wanted to add to that. As affordable housing is often a concern, I think Habitat for Humanity has earned a good reputation for their work in this field. Beyond that, they have a pattern worth re-using for other needs as well. 

One of the problems with "charity" is that it has come to mean money, where originally it meant love. There are people who have problems with money; very often they would benefit from the investment of someone's time and compassion. 

Of the different approaches to affordable housing, one of the notable successes has been Habitat for Humanity. They are one of the few groups that recognize the problem is not simply financial. The transition from renter to homeowner often involves missing skills, missing habits of responsibility and accountability; Habitat for Humanity actively addresses these gaps. Their model of helping involves the new homeowners in ways that build the peoples' missing skills and the often-missing sense of value and accomplishment. The perception that the new homeowners are co-workers, participants in society, is a different feeling than being recipients of "charity" (money). By design, they are receiving human involvement. 

As necessary as money is in the modern economy, it seems to be the case that human involvement (love) is more transformative than money. 

"Honor your father and mother" vs Going no-contact with parents

There is a trend being promoted by some psychologists for young adults to cut all contact with parents: don't visit, don't call, don't text, don't respond. This is not general advice for all young adults, but for those whose parents are labeled as toxic, immature, or narcissistic. A few months ago a video from Oprah gave space to one of the psychologists leading the charge for children to go no-contact with their aging parents. A counter-argument in Psychology Today pointed out that what was being welcomed as growth was estrangement, and that it denied the idea of an obligatory parent/child relationship. 

I don't believe that "Honor your father and mother" came up in discussion when I watched the Oprah video. Likewise "Honor your father and mother" was not mentioned in the response in Psychology Today. On the one hand, why would psychologists bring up the Ten Commandments and enter into the realm of spirituality and faith? But here we can see true advantages in religion -- yes, organized religion, complete with shared expectations that are not optional. Religion brings a social contract, an essential element of a functioning society. 

The social fabric is messy, complicated, and built one relationship at a time. It takes work. The social fabric is also necessary even at the psychological level. People who lack a sense of belonging tend to have serious struggles with life happiness. When psychologists normalize breaking off key relationships, it is not always to the benefit of the client that they would help. 

What about those parents who actually are immature, narcissistic, or toxic? There are a number of us whose childhoods were marred by parenting that was worse than indifferent. Labeling the parents as a problem is not always too hasty or too convenient; it can also be too true. I speak as someone with experience dealing with parents who had more than the typical faults. I had a brother who went no-contact with the harsher parent, to the extent possible. The result was not his growth and peace but empowering the unhealed wounds to isolate him still. 

The premise of much popular psychology is that a person's primary duty is to their own personal happiness and well-being. Even if we allow that premise for this conversation, the "cut and run" approach can deprive the adult children of learning how to stand up for themselves, learning to define and redefine relationships to insist on the healthy respect due to an adult. It cuts off opportunities to learn and practice a relationship of equals, and to gain that necessary adult skill of insisting on fairness and respect in mature relationships. 

It can be tricky to rebuild the adult-child relationship when both parties are adults. The habit of power with the parent may show up as disrespect for the adult children when the now-adult children need to claim responsibility over their own lives. But this transition to full adults is not optional, and claiming agency in the relationship is not a developmental milestone we can afford to skip. 

For those of us with challenging parents, going no-contact can deprive us of learning how to find our voice and redefine the relationship, and the related practice of steering a relationship onto a healthier course. The lack of those relationship skills can take a toll on those who go no-contact. 

There may be a time and a place to take a break from a family relationship. But a permanent rupture has its own price tag of leaving the wounds unhealed, the skills unlearned, the power to redefine it unclaimed. 

"Honor your father and mother" may not be easy. And it does not mean tolerating abuse. But there is a place in the conversation for leveling up our own skills so that each side is treated with honor and respect.