Over a dozen directions for love in the New Testament

The New Testament has many passages about love, everything from love of God (good) to love of money (not). As a current research project has led me to review the New Testament in the original Greek, I was touched to find that there were special words underlying those translations, such as a special word that means "love of God" or that means "loving your children." (I expect Greek is more fluid in making compound words than we are in English.) Below are notes on those special New Testament words describing not just love, but what is loved: 

Good

• philotheos - love of God: 2 Timothy 3:4
• philandros - love of husband: Titus 2:4
• philanthropos, philanthropia - love of mankind (kindness, acting courteously): Acts 28:2, Acts 27:3
• philoxenia, philoxenos - fond of guests: hospitable, hospitality: Romans 12:13, Hebrews 13:2, 1 Timothy 3:2, Titus 1:8, 1 Peter 4:9
• philosophos - fond of wise things / philosophers: Acts 17:18
• philostorgos - fond of (one's own) relatives: Romans 12:10
• philoteknos - fond of (one's own) children: Titus 2:4
• philotimeomai - fond of honor (eager/dedicated/persevering): Romans 15:20, 2 Corinthians 5:9, 1 Thessalonians 4:11
• philophronos, philophron - fond of understanding or sympathy (kindly, courteous): Acts 28:7, 1 Peter 3:8

Not

• philarguria, philarguros - love of money (covetousness): 1 Timothy 6:10, Luke 16:14, 2 Timothy 3:2
• philautos - self-love (self-absorption): 2 Timothy 3:2
• philhedonos - love of pleasure: 2 Timothy 3:4
• philoneikiea / philoneikos - love of strife or argument: Luke 22:24, 1 Corinthians 11:16
• philoproteuo - fond of being first: 3 John 1:9

We tend to think in the most basic way that "love" is good, and it's usually shown that way. But in the New Testament, whether "love" is good seems to depend on what we're loving. 

Long-time married folks' best advice on staying married

It is rare that I take inspiration from the comment section of another conversation. But I think the content here merits it. This post asked the long-married couples for the best advice on staying married. 

The comment thread was lively, so I enlisted a bot to help summarize, which it did based on the most frequently echoed and highly engaged pieces of advice among the responses. 

Top 10 Pieces of Advice from the Comments

1. Put God (or faith) at the center of your marriage. 
   This topped the list and dominated replies, often cited as the unbreakable foundation.
   "A cord of three strands is not easily broken - Ecc.4:12."
   
   
2. Never go to bed angry—resolve conflicts before sleep
   A near-universal tip, emphasizing daily emotional resets to prevent resentment buildup.
   
   
3. Forgive quickly and let go of grudges
   Quick forgiveness was hailed as essential for longevity, avoiding the poison of prolonged hurt.
   
   
4. Prioritize regular date nights and intentional time together
   Couples stressed keeping romance alive through consistent effort, no matter the life stage.
   
   
5. Remove divorce as an option—commit fully from day one
   Blunt and recurring: Treat "divorce" as a forbidden word to weather storms.
   
   
6. Prioritize your spouse above all others (except God)
   Family, kids, or parents come second—your marriage is the core unit.
   Example comment: "Never put any human before your spouse. Not parents, siblings or even children. Only God comes before your spouse."
   
   
7. Choose a partner who makes you laugh
   Humor as a buffer for hardships; select for joy, not just compatibility checklists.
   
   
8. Love sacrificially, like Christ loves the Church
   Selfless, unconditional love—putting your partner's needs first consistently.
   
   
9. Address your own selfishness as the real issue
   Shift focus inward: Marriage problems often stem from personal flaws, not just the other's.
   Example comment: "Treat your own selfishness as the main problem in the marriage," quoting Timothy Keller
   
   
10. Avoid infidelity at all costs (including family temptations)
    Practical warnings against betrayal, often with humor but deadly serious undertones.

Learning love from Jesus: The Gospel of Matthew

Learning to love is part of learning to follow Christ. This week I am looking at ways that Jesus shows love, reviewing the Gospel of Matthew. When I think of Christ's love my thoughts turn first to the big things: his humility, his humanity, his death for our forgiveness. These deserve their key place in Christian thought and devotion. They have world-shaping importance for our understanding of God. Trying to imagine anything in my own life comparing to that can seem prideful, even grandiose. While there are thoughts in there for us, today I want to look at some other ways in which Jesus has shown his love for us, and how he shows us a kind of love that we can reflect in our own lives. 

He called Peter and Andrew, James and John, and more disciples to follow him. He loved them by seeking them out, seeking their company, inviting them, including them in significant things, giving them importance in his life. When his relatives sought him, he recognized and honored the closeness of those who stood with him: they were his brothers. 

When crowds came to him from all over the place, he had honest unfeigned compassion for their troubles. He listened. He knew their needs, recognized their needs, met their needs. He did not turn away people who came to look for him. He loved them by welcoming them and hearing them. 

When people invited him for meals he accepted. He was willing to listen, willing to be a guest, willing to participate in other peoples' lives, willing to include and be included. He took time to be part of their lives. 

For his disciples he had an additional role in their lives: he prepared them for the future. He set their expectations of what was to come, equipped them for what they would need to do, forgave them their imperfections. He was patient with them. 

He spoke the truth with love. He did not hide his thoughts or play it safe in the face of disapproval. He found people starved for clarity and insight, for compassion and wisdom, for leadership deserving of the name. While his opponents used words as snares and traps, he used words to set people free. So many people would willingly follow someone who truly loved God. He recruited help, trained help, and sent workers into the field. He trained others to live the same life of love as he lived.  

Which is where we come into the story. On the day that the disciples asked, "Teach us to pray," I find myself wishing they had asked, "Teach us to love." Of course he did that without their asking. And yet I'd have loved to hear his answer. 

Loving the world, one thing at a time

 "For God so loved the world ..." -- John 3:16

I know that there are times when the scriptures speak of the world in its corrupt state, where "loving the world" means "worldliness", in which the world has become an idol. In that sense, "Friendship with the world is enmity toward God." 

Because God loves the world, we know there is a right way to love the world, and a sense in which we are called to join in that love. When the world gets between us and God, then loving the world is idolatry. But when we are God's ambassadors to the world, then loving the world is an act of blessing and redemption. And when we are simply God's creatures, then loving the world is gratitude for what he has done.

My new year's resolution this year is to try to be mindful of these kinds of love of the world, to participate by loving the people, places, and things in front of me. "The world" is too big and too abstract for me. But I can love my family, one child at a time. I can love the world, one mockingbird at a time. I can love the world, one cat at a time. It is easier for me to take in small steps. Loving the world, one wildflower at a time. Loving the world, one apple at a time. Loving the world, one neighbor at a time. 

"You shall love the Lord your God"

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30, from Deuteronomy 6:5, see also Luke 10:27). 

In my reading I have come across a teaching attributed to Maimonides, that the command to love God can be acted on by meditating on the infinite love of God towards us:

I have loved you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

In time, as we become more aware of God's love, our own love for God awakens. And so "You shall love the Lord your God" is not only a command, it is also a promise. Yes, that has been said of other commandments before. This, too, God will add to us.

Love and the problem of commanding it

It's such a human reaction: we're ordered to do something, and our first reaction is to say "No." We say it with all the thoughtfulness of a two-year-old who has just learned to use the word. We say it for the same reason: We don't see how else we can assert ourselves, other than being contrary. So if you tell a two-year-old, "Enjoy yourself!" you might well hear "No!"

What God requires of us -- that is met in loving each other. Think about what God is telling us to do, the lives he is telling us to build. Do we want reconciliation with our families, a large circle of friends, a rich network of fulfilling personal relationships? Do we want to be a positive force in the world and in each others' lives? Do we want to become skilled and accomplished at lifting up other people? Do we want to learn to speak words that people will hold onto like a life-raft when life swamps them? Do we want the pure joy of having a hundred people that are the "friend that is closer than a brother"?

In some ways, God's command is that we live out our deepest desire.

Why exactly do we have such a problem with it?

Love with mind: The value of remembering

In my quest to explore the mind's role in love, I'm considering the value of remembering.

Here are things we might remember:

* The name of someone we just met
* Someone's birthday or anniversary
* Someone's favorite food
* Someone's usual order at a restaurant
* Someone's pet peeve
* A time that the other person helped us
* A time that the other person accomplished or achieved something
* The kind words that they spoke
* The favor that they did
* Someone's favorite musician or song
* Someone's favorite book, author, or movie
* Someone's favorite outfit, if they're into that kind of thing
* Someone's favorite hobby
* Someone's favorite game
* Someone's favorite topic of conversation
* Someone's area of expertise

Our minds can help us focus on noticing the other person. If we value them, if we consider it worthwhile to get to know them, then we will become familiar with them. We will notice and remember their likes and dislikes.

This is the internet, so it bears mentioning: this is not to be done in an intrusive, stalker-ish way. It is not love to pry or dig for information that the other person has not given us. Instead, whenever someone reveals or shares information, we can consider that as worthwhile, and keep the knowledge and understanding of the other person as a treasure.

Love with mind and strength: Insight and determination

It is just a fact of human life that people have the capacity for good in them somewhere -- even if it is undeveloped. It goes with being created in the image of God. It is also a fact of human life that this capacity for good is often undeveloped not only in others but in ourselves as well -- and that pride, jealousy, a bad history, or a competitive nature can make us more likely to find things to criticize than things to praise. We tend to find what we're looking for. 

Love has the impulse to look for the good. It is like a precious-metal detector that finds what is beautiful in the other person, even if it is buried deep. When it finds that gold, it uncovers it and lifts it up. I'm reminded of one of my grandmothers, who was always rehearsing stories in her husband's praise. In the way that a jeweler takes all kinds of study and applies it to how to cut a gem, how to show it to best advantage so that it catches as much light as human skill can arrange -- so my grandmother would take just that much care with the "jewel" events of my grandfather's life. I wonder if she was polishing as she was retelling. I don't recall my grandfather ever blowing his own horn; considering my grandmother, there was hardly any need. She could communicate that my grandfather was a treasure in a way that made clear she thought she was quite the lucky woman as well. I doubt my grandfather -- or any of his friends -- ever harbored any doubts about her devotion. My grandmother was a master jeweler in that kind of craft. May I be that, starting with my children.  

I think to some extent we're all the treasure-hunters and jewelers in each others' lives. It takes insight to see what is good. It takes determination to keep looking. It takes wisdom and skill to present someone else's life in a way that it shines. Love does that. 

More than that, love is the alchemy that changes the baser matter into gold. It adds that hope to the other person, that desire to develop their own capacity for love and kindness, for wisdom and understanding. It is in our hearts' desire not only to be treasured, but to deserve it. In this way love shows itself nearly the opposite of flattery: where flattery plies someone with undeserved praise to manipulate and deceive, love gives every bit of deserved praise to build up the other person. 

"Knowledge becomes love": Part 2

When we talk about loving with "heart, soul, mind, and strength", it's not always clear how "mind" fits into the picture. How do we love someone with our mind? Last time we considered the value of getting to know and understand the other person as an expression of love, and as a way to build love. Here I'd like to look at two ways we talk about love that show how important it is that we use our minds:

"Thoughtful" is a compliment that we pay to someone to recognize that they are loving and kind. It's not only that they have a good heart, but that they use that good heart to direct their thoughts. They employ their minds in thinking of ways to be kind. They actually seek out ways to help as a matter worthy of serious thought. The way a researcher might pursue a puzzle, the way a treasure-hunter might pursue a legendary treasure, these people pursue kindness. They use their minds to plan special occasions, to remember special days, to choose meaningful gifts. They seek out ways to recognize the value of other people. They give thought to ways to lift up, to encourage, to reassure.

"Considerate" is another compliment that we pay to someone who is loving and kind. And again, it amounts to someone using their mind: to consider. Here we talk about someone who considers another point of view, considers another perspective, considers how his own actions will affect other people. It is a habit of mind that we can cultivate, and whether we cultivate it reflects the value we place on it.

The whole area of "loving with our minds" is under-developed because so often we think of love as a matter only for the heart; we imagine the mind as dispassionate. It does not help our ability to love when we see things that way. It is doubtful whether the mind is ever truly that dispassionate, or whether it would be a good thing if it were. "Dispassionate" is a close cousin to "unmotivated". There is a passion that confuses our thoughts, and there is a passion that gives direction and speed to our thoughts. It calls for wisdom.

"Knowledge becomes love": Part 1

I wanted to pursue in more depth the ancient Christian saying "knowledge becomes love". Its first use seems most suited to knowing God: it is assumed that knowledge becomes love because whatever we know of God, whatever we learn, is necessarily beautiful or holy or in some other way inherently good.

But thinking it over, notice the close links between knowledge and love in our human relationships:

• But when someone asks if we like someone else or if we're friends, consider one traditional answer: "I don't really know him." It is understood that if you don't really know someone, you can't possibly love them. 
• Consider the early stage of a growing friendship or relationship: we call it "getting to know each other". 
• We consider this to be an offense when we have been familiar with someone for awhile: "She didn't even know my name." 
• If someone has a gruff exterior but a good heart, his friends may explain, "You have to get to know him."
• Of the people closest to us, we may say, "He really understands me."

Then again, consider that prejudice is often based on ignorance: on not knowing. And the traditional defense against "getting to know" someone is "why would you want to know someone like that?" But they may not actually be like that ... regardless of how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise. In my own life, I know I was raised to despise political conservatives. Because one of my parents preferred liberal-style solutions to problems and did so out of good motives, she assumed that people who prefer conservative-style solutions must lack her good motives. (I expect that something similar happens with all kinds of prejudices, but in the current media environment, such prejudice and ignorance is particularly noticeable about politics, where it does seem that people on different sides assume the worst of each other, and make a point of not getting to know or understand each other.) 

Why is knowledge so related to love? One thing is the simple statement of value: if we get to know someone, if we take that time and effort, it shows that we value that person. And value is one of the main messages of love: that you are worthwhile.

More next time ...

Treasures of the heart and soul

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. (Jesus, in Matthew 12:34-35)

As my teen Bible class works through Proverbs, we've considered a lot of instruction about what we say, how we say it, and when we say it. We've looked at how the proverbs cover different steps along the way, from recognizing evil to avoiding evil to recognizing good to pursuing good. 

We've looked at Solomon's devotion to wisdom, and his challenge to all people to add wisdom to our lives in any measure we can receive it, to pursue it openly and passionately:

If you call out for knowledge, and cry aloud for understanding;
If you seek it as silver, and search for it as for hidden treasures,
Then you shall understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.
(Proverbs 2:3-5)

The treasure of our heart is clearly tied to wisdom and understanding ... to the Spirit of God and true knowledge of God. In this way, again the scriptures suggest an intimate connection between wisdom and love. There is an ancient Christian saying, "Knowledge becomes love." I'm becoming more intrigued with the relation among them. 

Seeing God ... and seeing anyone at all

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. - Jesus

The most beautiful of all blessings is reserved for the pure in heart: seeing God.

Here, among all the blessings that Jesus proclaims, is one blessing that I do not think could possibly be any other way. If we are small and self-centered, we don't even see the people around us, not really. If our lives are all about ourselves, then it's not just the words of God that we don't hear, but even the words of the person talking to us. "He who has ears, let him hear" could be a fair warning whenever anyone is talking to us. Whenever we are self-centered, we do not see our neighbor, we do not hear our own family, we do not notice the person sitting next to us. The beginning of a pure heart is to love our neighbor. The stronger we become in love, the more we are able to see what is around us -- to see who is around us. (There are ways in which love is blind, but hatred is much blinder. And indifference is nearly defined by willful blindness.)

As for seeing God: God's presence is all around us, but when we become impatient or frustrated we do not see it. It is in our quieter and kinder moments that we notice it. Even in this world, the pure in heart see more.

And in the world to come ...

Learn to love our neighbor: The most basic forms of love

As Christians, we're on a mission to join God in loving the world. So when we talk to someone or meet someone, where do we start? What are the most basic starting points for building love? Here are a few:

• Noticing someone: If we look past someone without seeing them, without recognizing their importance, we have not loved them. If we recognize another person, notice them, consider their worth, then that is a simple form of love. So even taking time to acknowledge someone is a form of love. Jesus may have been pointing this out to us when he reminded us to greet other people, and not just those who love us in return.
• Recognizing the good in someone: If someone has made an effort, developed a skill, or has a natural gift, it is worth recognizing. When Paul tells us, "If there is anything worthy of praise, think on these things," we might also think enough to mention it to the person who inspires us. It may be just an extension of what Paul wrote on love, and thinking on these things may develop an eye for kindling love.
• Recognizing ourselves in the other person: Any two people have something in common. We all share our humanity. If the foundation of love is loving others as ourselves, and the foundation of mercy is treating others as we want to be treated ourselves, and the foundation of justice is likewise built on the idea that we are all alike and should be treated alike, then it follows that one of the keys to understanding, to all of love and justice and mercy, is to recognize ourselves in the other person, and them in us.
• Understanding: There are few gifts that touch us as much as when someone else understands us. It may be that they take the time to listen to our life story, or take the time to ask how we are and actually listen to the answer. It is the first way in which we fulfill the command to share each others' burdens.
• Warmth: There is a simple hospitality of spirit that Jesus demonstrated to us, something that drew people and made them feel welcome, and at home, simply to be in his presence. In every home that feels like home, there is a warmth and an acceptance that is the heart of that home. We take that spirit into the world with us. 

If you all were to leave comments helping me figure out what else I could add to the list, I'd be grateful.

Take care & God bless

Pet Theory: Our hearts and minds grow in proportion to ...

Reflections on how to love God and neighbor with heart, soul, mind, and strength ... 

I have a pet theory: Our hearts and minds grow in proportion to how many people we honestly admire. Sometimes I dream of achieving great things, and work towards them. But even if I should achieve my wildest dreams, I hope I never become so full of myself that I don't admire other people more. It would be so small. Some people seem embarrassed to admire other people, as though admiring someone is unbecoming, or somehow lessens their own prestige. I couldn't disagree more. Admiration -- looking at another person, finding their excellence, recognizing it, being truly glad for it -- is the kind of stuff that expands our hearts. And as it expands, it grows stronger, more able to love. Our capacity to love, to take delight in the world, grows larger. Permitting ourselves to enjoy an honest delight is refreshing. And with this permission we grant ourselves, and with practice, the eye becomes more capable of seeing the good in others. Our understanding of other human beings, their thoughts and their accomplishments, increases. Striving to appreciate everything that makes someone worthy of notice, worthy of respect -- this builds in our mind habits that will be put to good service with other people as we go along in life.

Jesus teaches us to consider love as the foundation of what is good. But love has been sentimentalized and trivialized to the point where people hesitate to speak of it as a topic worthy of serious consideration. Admiration has likewise been corrupted into fawning or obsession; it is time to reclaim a more healthy view of it, with a rightful place for esteem and enthusiasm. It seems to me that admiration is one of the more basic aspects of love, one worthy of remembering, and one worthy of practice.

We start as children by admiring people we see as heroes. And we begin by admiring those who are easy to admire. But as we mature in the skill, we become able to recognize the good wherever we find it, and be honestly glad for it.

Is love is blind? How it sees the good in us all

(Some thoughts on how to meet another person, and to view each other.) 

They say that love is blind, and there is some truth to that. Love keeps no record of wrongs. That is why love can see good things in another person that a less sympathetic view will overlook. If love keeps no record of wrongs, on the other hand hatred takes no notice of the good that has been done.

Of course there are other options besides those two. Indifference overlooks good and bad together. But what about a determined, impartial scrutiny to weigh the good and the evil in another person? Wouldn't that give us the clearest view? The clearest view of what, exactly, though? That approach sets us up as the judge. Are we that sure of our own impartiality? Are we that sure of our own purity and wisdom? Does the lack of humility there weigh against such self-confidence? What about the lack of compassion? And would we want others to view us so unsympathetically? Do we owe anything to our shared humanity to take a kinder view as a starting point, rather than to meet another person with a determination to weigh them in the scales before we recognize their worth? Do we owe anything to the Lord who made them, to the image of God within them, to trust that within them is the potential to be that child of God, as good as we are if not better?

When we have to choose an approach to another person, the wisest approach is love, and the humblest approach is love, and the kindest approach is love. The one that gives us the clearest view of any good in the other person is love. And the most constructive approach -- the one that helps build up the other person -- is love.

If I Corinthians 13 were written today

If I Corinthians 13 were written today, what would Paul have used as his examples? Just imagining:

If I study my Bible every day and have private devotions, but have not love, I am nothing. If I tithe to the church, and support good charities, but have not love, I gain nothing. If I pray day and night, and join the choir, and worship every time the church opens her doors, but have not love, it is nothing. If I teach Sunday school, and serve as a church officer, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind, not jealous or boastful or proud. It is not rude or self-seeking or touchy [easily angered]. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It endures all things, believes all things, hopes all things, perseveres through all things.

Love never fails. Where there are Bible studies or sermons, they will cease ... for now we know in part, but then we shall see face to face.

Three things remain: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.

Some of the details would change based on church membership. Some might have

• If I abstain from drinking, smoking, and dancing, but have not love ...
• If I fast twice a week, but have not love ...
• If I pray the rosary but have not love ...
• If I observe the Sabbath, but have not love ...

Every group has its thing. Why isn't the thing love?

Euthyphro's dilemma: An ancient debate and the greatest commandment

There is an ancient dilemma that goes back to the days of Plato, possibly even the days of Socrates. Back in those days the ancient Greeks spoke of many gods, but asked some of the same questions that people still ask today. Here is a question on their minds, the dilemma from Plato's ancient work, Euthyphro:

Is something loved by the gods because it is pious, or is something pious because it is loved by the gods?

I'll switch over to monotheistic language for the discussion here.

Sounds like an innocent question or an interesting but academic debate, doesn't it? What makes a thing or an action good in the eyes of God? Like many good questions, there's more to it than you see at first. If you take door #1 where God loves something because that thing is good in itself, then God has recognized a standard for "good" that is separate from himself. Is God bound to recognize another standard? Who sets that standard? But if you take door #2 where the love of God causes something to be good, then what is good is arbitrary and could have been otherwise; it's not intrinsically good or right.

The usual Christian response has been that this is a false dilemma: that good traces back beyond God's approval and God's will, and has its roots deeper, in the very nature of God. There is no separation between what is good and the nature of God; they are the same thing. So there is no separate standard of good that God himself must acknowledge, and there is no other path of good that God might have decided.

While this answer has been generally accepted among Christians, it has been put forward, at times, without solid Biblical support. Does the Bible teach that right and wrong are rooted in the nature of God, or is that just a thing for the philosophers?

I'd like to offer two passages of the Bible -- already considered key passages by many Christians -- to show that this answer is deeply Biblical.

Consider this statement that is already considered key to understanding the nature of God:

God is love. (1 John 4:8)

Consider this statement where Jesus speaks of the nature of right and wrong:

Then one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question, testing him and saying, "Master, which is the great commandment in the law?"
Jesus said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like to it, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." These two commandments are the basis for all the law and the prophets. (Matthew 22:35-40)

So according to Jesus, all the laws -- and so all that is good and pleasing to God -- depends on love of God and neighbor. And love itself is the nature of God. That is to say, what is good and pleasing to God is based on who God is: God is love.

Or to put it in a short and simple form:
1. The character of God is love.
2. The foundation of morality is love.
3. Therefore, there is no separation between the character of God and the foundation of morality.

Getting the most bang for your charity buck

Times being what they are, here are a few tips for stretching our charity dollars. If you have any other tips, please share.

1. Not sure what to do when a beggar asks you for cash? Keep some McDonald's gift cards on hand. (Any restaurant will do, so long as they aren't too strict on the dress code.) Even if this person trades the card for cash, the other person will take it only if they need the food. Eventually, someone will have a meal from it.
   
2. Buy your magazine subscriptions through a charity. For example, M.D. Anderson's Children's Art Project has a magazine subscription drive where they receive a percentage of the proceeds from a number of popular magazine subscriptions. Money you were going to spend anyway now helps a good cause. You may also get a discount on the subscription.
   
3. Donate your magazines to a hospital. Now you're really stretching that charity dollar.
   
4. Screen your charities. Pick charities with low overhead costs for administration and advertising. Their latest annual report should be available on their website. If it isn't, that's a red flag.
   
5. If you have a flower or vegetable garden, take a little something to your neighbor. The old shut-in is a good candidate; most neighborhoods have at least one. Charity doesn't have to involve cash; it's the kindness that counts.

"How much more" -- loving your enemies

What if we apply the same reasoning to Jesus' teaching on loving our enemies?

I have met people who act as though we are to treat our enemies better than our friends. (This does not actually have the effect of making it so that nobody is our enemies; it merely reverses who are the enemies and who are the friends.) I have met people who bend over backwards to treat their enemies well, but do not do the same for their friends or family. I have met people who go out of the way to include outsiders, but at the cost of excluding people who share common bonds with them. I have even met people who I suspect would say, "But Jesus never said to love our friends and family. But he did say to love our enemies." So what are the implications?

If we are to love our those who hate us, how much more should we love those who love us. If we are to bless those who curse us, how much more should we bless those who bless us. If we return good to those who do us evil, how much more should we return good to those who do us good. If we pray for those who persecute us, how much more should we pray for those who help us.

The method of reasoning gives solid results, and the implications are, I think, more in line with what Jesus intended: not to switch which group of people receives our love, but to include all, even our enemies.

Love and Forgiveness

Every time I think I have passed a milestone in forgiveness, I find myself later second-guessing whether I have really made any progress at all. I wonder if it may be like the place in the kitchen I just cleaned: it makes everything else look dingier by comparison. And so everything I do just shows up how much more still needs to be done, and what a long way I have to go.

I know that Christ calls me to be an advocate for those who have wronged me. Christ prayed for those who were killing him, "Father, forgive them" -- advocating for us even while suffering at our hands. And if he teaches us to ask, "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us," then I know how much I need to be forgiven. It shows me that it is time for me to be a prayer warrior for those who have wronged me, to plead their case with God. But sometimes it is so hard to do, and some people are easier to advocate for than others. Last night I found myself squirming at that section of my prayers, since I had moved on to someone else I need to forgive. I was probably the least convincing advocate you've ever heard. Am I really still that hard-hearted?

I wish God would unlock my heart. I'm having trouble with it, myself.

Update
I've been pondering why I have an easier time forgiving some people than others, and it seems to be this: the ones I can forgive are the ones who are already human to me again. I cannot forgive "the one who wronged me so many times in so many ways"; I can only forgive the one I love, or want to love. It may be the same person in my thoughts both times, but so long as they are only "the one who wronged me," I cannot forgive them. So long as the only identity I give them, the only face I recognize in them, is the face of the one sneering at me, I will not be able to forgive them. If I forgive them when thinking of them in that way, it is either an exercise in futility or a perverse justification of evil that is sometimes mistaken for forgiveness. It is not the real thing. The nature of forgiveness is separating them from that identity as "the one who hurts people", or recognizing that there can be more to them than that. Forgiveness means freeing them from that evil, not binding them to it and excusing it. The people I have learned to forgive, I have first learned to see them apart from their worst traits, have learned to recognize that there is more to them than that.

I've mentioned before that there is no way we can dehumanize others without at the same time dehumanizing ourselves. At the time I was thinking of partisanship and propaganda, not old wounds. But it does look like I was burying my head in the sand: it applies far more broadly than that. Whenever I cannot forgive someone, it is because they are somehow less than human in my mind. It is because I cannot see them apart from whatever bad they have done. And I think it does still follow: if I dehumanize someone else, I also dehumanize myself; I've mirrored the evil, reflecting the image of wrong instead of the image of God. There's a lot at stake when we're wronged. There's so much temptation there. Lord, have mercy.