Public-Service Announcement for Scam Prevention Service

In the current telemarketing environment, still having a land-line can be a liability. Fraudulent calls may now comprise a larger share of network traffic than even relatively-legitimate marketing campaigns. One enterprising consumer-protection bureau has devised a defense: their new scam prevention service provides answering-machine recordings specially designed to filter out spam-and-scam calls.

"Up until recently, our most popular download has been the out-of-service tone. When an automated call hears that tone on your answering machine's message, it disconnects," said Paul Smisher, a spokesman for the service. "Just incorporate the sound into your recording and robocalls disappear." Since appointment-reminders are also caught up in the robocall purge, the former hot download has now been replaced. "The current favorite is a message which makes most human scammers hang up in search of less-aware targets. Our customer reviews are full of stories of how gratifying it is to hear the aspiring fraudsters hang up while listening to the recording." The new leader for first-line defense is now the following recording:

Please listen closely as the menu options have changed.
If you are pretending to be from the IRS, please press 1.
If you are claiming that I have a student loan, please press 2.
If you are impersonating a deposed Nigerian prince, please press 3.
For all other frauds and scams, please press 4.
If you are family, friend, or have legitimate business, please leave a message. 

These and more messages are available from Anti-Phishing Recordings 1 (APR-1).

This post was scheduled long before the current virus threat. I figured people could still use a break in the tension.