Holiday Charity Drives -- The Good, the Bad, and the Common Ground

'Tis the  season. It's not quite Thanksgiving yet, but the commercial radio stations have begun to play Christmas music, the stores have begun to stock Christmas decorations -- and the charities are starting to solicit donations from people who are in the holiday spirit of generosity. But am I the only one disturbed by the tone?

Once I had a nominal facebook friend try to shame everyone on his friends list into donating to his then-favorite charity in support homeless gay teens. If anyone didn't support that cause with a donation, it was implied that they were part of the problem. I've had other friends request contributions to other incredibly-specific-social-problem charities for their birthdays. There is often an element of trafficking in guilt, shame, or victimhood to charity requests, with the worst of them coming across like an excerpt from the comically-insane points system in The Good Place. Goodwill is not manipulative, so why are so many charity requests?

The thing is, as much as I may pray for anyone who requests my help, whether homeless gay teens or people plagued by suicidal thoughts, I tend to help where self or friends or family have been hurt. I'm more likely to volunteer at 12-step events or donate clothing to homeless veterans' charities or contribute to certain medical charities.

We help because we care. But we cannot assume that people who do not help our cause do not care, or are bad people. I may not donate to their cause; they may not donate to mine either. I think many people are generous where they themselves have felt the pain or loss and can relate. If each person shows their generosity in the place where they feel the need, then each group will receive generosity in proportion to the number of people affected. The size of the outreach keeps scale with the size of the need.

For myself, may I pray for all in need. May I cheerfully help where I feel called to help. And may we support each other on our separate journeys with goodwill.