Return good for evil: Forgiveness struggles #2

Last post, I took stock of bitterness and resentment taking root in my life. I asked you all to bear with me, that there was a good purpose to this. As far as rooting out this kind of spiritual poison, Jesus taught some things that, the more I work with them, the more I realize just how practical they are. The first thing is to pray for those who mistreat us. The list of people who get on my nerves is a prayer list. I should pray for them particularly for God's goodness and blessing. I should give thanks for any good in them in particular. I should pray that I have patience and God's Spirit towards them in particular. This probably does more to change my attitude towards them than anything else. Left to my own devices, my "solution" is to grit my teeth at injustice and to hope they see the good in me. Meanwhile I do not see the good in them, and resentment, self-righteousness, and hard-heartedness grow freely. Prayer is the place to start. The second thing is to do for them what I wish they would do for me. It is sometimes difficult to imagine what nice thing I should do for someone who is wronging me -- until I ask myself, "How do I wish they were treating me?" I can easily tell you how I wish they were treating me; that is what I should do for them. That is how to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" for this situation, and how to return good for evil. So below I run through each of the things that are bothering me and try to see how to repay good for evil, and make it my goal to do these things for the people in question.
What's bothering me	As I would have them do to me
For pouncing on every mistake I make, no matter how small, and overlooking anything I do right, no matter how large or difficult For regularly refusing to be more than coldly polite For often refusing to be even coldly polite Although we need to work with each other to get through the day, being pointedly uncooperative and seeming to delight in making things difficult In sum, for treating me unjustly and with seeming hatred no matter what I do	Make sure to notice when they do something right, and if any mistakes must be noticed, notice them with gentleness Be genuinely warm Be cooperative and delight in making things easier In sum, treat her justly and with kindness no matter what she does
For keeping me at arm's length even though we are family For believing every story told about me without checking whether it is accurate For making all Christian holidays unpleasant by pointed, hostile "indifference"	Be welcoming and open Be slow to believe the worst and quick to believe better Make sure never to treat with indifference, instead making a point of appreciating
For avoiding family occasions For rehearsing stories of every wrong thing I've done even back to elementary school, and in front of other people who do not know first-hand whether the stories as retold are fair or accurate; in effect training certain other people to dislike me and getting in low shots when I am unaware and unable to speak in my own defense	Seek out chances to break the ice Rehearse stories of every good thing they've ever done, back as far as I can remember, and in front of other people
For treating a friend of mine as worthless For encouraging this friend to stay unemployed so that she would be justified in ignoring his thoughts on finances and treating him as worthless For putting him in a no-win situation and then blaming him for losing	It's actually more difficult for me to figure out the reversal when it's not me being wronged. Make sure she knows her worth and find ways to acknowledge her worth in front of her Encourage her to do her best as a show of faith that she has something to offer Try to put her in a situation where she can win; avoid harsh blaming and instead build up shared regret over the bad situation
For belittling me, treating me with contempt, and constantly holding over my head the threat of rejection and abandonment For abandoning me in a hundred little ways before finally and officially abandoning me	Treat with respect Set aside coldness and indifference during times we see each other (e.g. exchanging the kids) Be willing to listen and encourage as needed, setting aside bitterness, not returning hostility for abandonment but instead showing steadfastness and kindness without any thought to whether it is deserved (it rarely is) or whether it is appropriate (it is more appropriate than the alternatives)